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some answers about stuff |
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Am I in a Healthy Relationship? |
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| Some Things to Think About |
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Sometimes it seems like we’re never going to find the “right” person for us. So when we realize that we like someone, and that person likes us back, we can be so stoked that we don’t always think things through, and we can later end up in a situation we’d rather not be in. Here’s some ideas to help you define what a healthy relationship looks like.
What Makes a Healthy Relationship?
❏ R-e-s-p-e-c-t. You don’t have to know who Aretha Franklin is to get this one: Does your BF or GF get how cool you are, and why? The key is that your BF or GF is into you for who you are — for your great sense of humor, your taste in music, your beliefs, the wicked way you dress, etc., and that you are “real” with that person and don’t need to pretend to be someone you’re not. Does your BF or GF value your culture, your religion and your own personal beliefs? Does your BF or GF listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands — and would never challenge — your boundaries.
❏ Trust. You need to work on a school project with another guy from class. Does your BF get huffy with you or wish you luck with the project because he knows you'd never cheat on him? It's OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. There’s a difference, though, between jealousy and control. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if one of you tries to control the other. Controlling jealousy, that which says you can or cannot hang out with friends or family, or do things you enjoy without the other person, is a set-up for unhappiness and a warning sign of potential physical abuse in a relationship.
❏ Honesty. Let’s face it, it's tough to trust someone who isn’t honest with you. Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie, like saying she had to stay at home on Friday night but it turned out she was out with her friends? You'll have a lot more trouble believing her the next time, and your trust will be on shaky ground. Think of it in terms of building a house on quicksand...would you really want to live in that house?
❏ Support. Some people are right by your side when your whole world is falling apart, but are they stoked when things are going good? In a healthy relationship, your BF or GF is there for you when you score the winning shot and doesn’t feel threatened that you are outstanding!
❏ Fairness. Do you pay 50-50 to go to a movie? What if one of you works and the other does not? There’s a difference between ‘fair’ and ‘equal.’ Is there compromise in your relationship? It’s healthy to willingly compromise; not-so-healthy if one of you is always doing the compromising, or if the compromise is resentful. Do you agree to something only because you think it’s what your BF or GF wants? Is it okay to say “I don’t know...” or “Let me think about it”?
❏ Equality. Are there strict roles for each of you, based on your gender? If you’re a girl, does your BF expect you to clean up after dinner, or to not be good at math? If you’re a guy, is it your role to be ‘in charge’?
❏ Doing your own thing. Is it OK with the other person that you do have interests outside your relationship? Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love, and it should be OK to go see a chick flick or an action movie without your BF or GF being a grump about it. You should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.
❏ Communication. Communicating is just as much about listening as it is talking. Being with someone who listens to you so that he or she understands what you are feeling, rather than listening just to have something to say back (especially during a disagreement), is the a key indicator of a person who truly cares about what you are saying, thinking and feeling.
❏ Friends. Does your BF or GF treat you the same way a best friend would? Does your BF or GF respect you, trust you, talk honestly with you, support you and encourage you, treat you fairly, treat you equally, honor your independence, and communicate with you? If so, you might be on your way to a very healthy and rewarding relationship! If not, congratulate yourself for recognizing some things that might need to change now! |
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