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some answers about stuff |
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What's an Unhealthy Relationship, Anyway? |
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| Recognize the Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship. |
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Warning Signs
When a person uses verbal insults, mean language, nasty putdowns, gets physical by hitting or slapping, or forces someone into sexual activity, it's an important warning sign of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.
Ask yourself, does your partner:
❏ Get angry when you don't drop everything for him or her?
❏ Criticize the way you look or dress, and say you’ll never be able to find anyone else who would date you?
❏ Keep you from seeing friends or from talking to other people?
❏ Want you to quit a healthy activity, even it’s something you love?
❏ Ever raise a hand to you or threaten you when angry?
❏ Try to force you to go further sexually than you want to?
Does your partner have any of the traits below? If so, there is a good chance that your partner is a batterer. This list is to give you a guideline to the signs of a potential batterer. Batterers' personality traits are not limited to these.
Does your partner:
❏ Have low self esteem?
❏ Have a poor assertive skills?
❏ Have few close friends?
❏ Become obsessively jealous?
❏ Have a history of failed relationships?
❏ Have a problem with authority figures?
❏ Come from an abusive family?
❏ Become very possessive?
❏ Use violence to get rid of tension?
❏ Control your finances?
❏ Insist on knowing where you are at all times?
❏ Leave messages on your voicemail if you don’t answer your phone?
❏ Check up on you to see if you've gone where you said you were going?
❏ Have a violent temper?
These aren't the only questions you can ask yourself. If you can think of any way in which your boyfriend or girlfriend is trying to control you, make you feel bad about yourself, isolate you from the rest of your world, or — this is a big one: harm you physically or sexually — then it's time to get out, fast. Let a trusted friend or family member know what's going on and make sure you're safe.
It can be tempting to make excuses or misinterpret violence, possessiveness, or anger as an expression of love. But even if you know that the person hurting you loves you, it is not healthy. No one deserves to be hit, shoved, or forced into anything he or she doesn't want to do.
Think about the qualities you value in a friendship and see how they match up with the ingredients of your relationship. Is this a healthy relationship for you? If not, you may be feeling pretty crummy right about now because you’ve recognized some behaviors in your relationship that are abusive. Help is available, for victims. You can call the Careline for more information. If you are afraid of your partner, you can call a local domestic violence shelter, or 1-800-799-SAFE for a referral to your nearest domestic violence shelter. Remember: You can’t fix someone else, and it's not healthy (or safe!) to stay in a relationship that is abusive.
If you are abusive toward your partner, you can learn new, non-abusive relationship skills through an appropriate batterer’s intervention program or through a counselor who is trained in preventing abusive behavior. This will help you become ready for a healthy, safe relationship. Give us a call at the Careline; we can help. |
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